1 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:09,160 No, we've got them all coming over today. 2 00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:11,640 Yeah, the dishy opposition. 3 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:12,800 Do you know, Robyn, 4 00:00:12,839 --> 00:00:14,880 she calls Peter Mannion Peter Man-Yum. 5 00:00:14,919 --> 00:00:19,000 Nowadays, I think twat and prat are pretty interchangeable, really. 6 00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:23,519 Anyway, semantics aside, she shouldn't be saying anything like that to you 7 00:00:23,559 --> 00:00:25,800 and I take your point, Mum, and I will have a word. 8 00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:28,679 The opposition have to let us senior civil servants, 9 00:00:28,719 --> 00:00:32,399 I mean, people like me, know exactly what they're hoping to achieve, 10 00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:36,159 so that when they're handed the reins of power... 11 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,280 Um... Well, I think they are going to be. 12 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:41,000 I mean, this lot are looking quite toasted. 13 00:00:41,039 --> 00:00:46,640 Right, Ella has thrown a massive hissy fit again at my Mum. 14 00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:50,840 Like you care. I need you to do a bit of proper parenting for once. 15 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,600 Um, can you give me a call? 16 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,399 If you don't, I will have you thrown in Belmarsh. 17 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,880 I've just been trying to find out where Olly is 18 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,600 'cause as usual, he's not in yet. 19 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,600 Okay, meeting room. Olly, good afternoon. 20 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,560 -GLENN: Good afternoon, Olly. -I haven't missed it, have I? 21 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,760 Olly, have you seen my strategy file? 22 00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:06,519 No, I don't know, Terri. 23 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,799 What's happened to Terri? She looks like a female impersonator. 24 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,719 Yeah, I know. I thought you only got made over like that 25 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,040 at a gay undertakers. 26 00:01:13,519 --> 00:01:16,000 Phil, look, I'm trying to prep for implementation day here 27 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,719 and you're just cutting out more weird Japanese cartoons, or whatever it is. 28 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,439 It's for the matrix. 29 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,400 When we infiltrate DoSAC, I want to prioritise targets, okay? 30 00:01:23,439 --> 00:01:26,799 Hey, look. That's Terri Coverley, DoSAC Head of Press Civil Service. 31 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,560 And who exactly is that? 32 00:01:28,599 --> 00:01:30,519 Well, it's Uhura, but you know, 33 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,799 she's head of comms on the Enterprise, so it kind of makes sense. 34 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,879 Oh! Hey, do you know what, I wonder if we'll get to sneak up on Olly 35 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,799 and catch him not working? 36 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,120 Better still, I'd like to see him getting bollocked by Malcolm. 37 00:01:38,159 --> 00:01:39,959 (EMMA LAUGHS) 38 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,519 "I'm going to rip out your bladder and wear it as a bandana." 39 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:43,920 EMMA: Okay, um... PHIL: I need to know 40 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:45,640 what Glenn Cullen looks like? 41 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,599 Oh, Glenn Cullen, uh... 50s, kind of depressed looking. 42 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,359 I always think of him like a bloodhound. 43 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,200 Okay, I'll get a picture of Mick Hucknall. 44 00:01:52,239 --> 00:01:55,200 Morning, comrades! How goes the revolution? 45 00:01:55,239 --> 00:01:56,840 PHIL: Morning. EMMA: Morning, Peter. 46 00:01:56,879 --> 00:02:00,640 Our tanks on their lawn at last, fuck-a-doodle-doo. 47 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,560 Talking of which, may I present 48 00:02:02,599 --> 00:02:05,120 -the DoSAC implementation matrix. -EMMA: Don't ask. 49 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,120 Look, this is a very straightforward set of meetings 50 00:02:08,159 --> 00:02:09,840 with the senior civil servants. 51 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,400 "Where's the stopcock?" 52 00:02:11,439 --> 00:02:13,479 "Where can I get a decent cup of coffee?" 53 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,400 "Here's our legislative agenda for the next three years." 54 00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:18,080 Yeah, I know. But Stewart's very keen for us to use 55 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,400 a visit DoSAC as a scouting exercise. 56 00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:22,800 Well, I'm very keen to use Stewart's mouth as an ashtray 57 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,280 but that doesn't mean I do it. 58 00:02:24,319 --> 00:02:26,599 Social mobility, what does that actually mean? 59 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:29,000 Well, it's just a... It's just a personal observation, 60 00:02:29,039 --> 00:02:31,400 but every time I hear the words "social mobility", 61 00:02:31,439 --> 00:02:34,639 I keep thinking about one of those shopping trolleys 62 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,599 that go down the pavement, the electric things that... 63 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:38,719 NICOLA: What does it mean to normal people? 64 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,800 It means, really, uh... 65 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:41,439 (MOBILE RINGING) 66 00:02:41,479 --> 00:02:44,840 ...lifting people out of a world of disadvantage 67 00:02:44,879 --> 00:02:47,319 and into a world of opportunity. 68 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:51,000 Sorry, just one sec, I've just got to switch that to voicemail. 69 00:02:51,039 --> 00:02:54,280 Okay, fourth sector. Mean anything? 70 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,039 Nothing. Great! Because we're about to create it. 71 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,439 -(MOBILE RINGING) -The fourth sector is... 72 00:03:01,479 --> 00:03:03,599 It's basically real people, ordinary people... 73 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,159 Just give me one second. Hello? Yes, it's Nicola Murray. 74 00:03:06,199 --> 00:03:08,199 What's going on at the school, anyway? 75 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:12,800 Things are a little bit shitty at home, the daughter's gone all Raging Bull. 76 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,159 She put on a lot of weight? 77 00:03:15,199 --> 00:03:17,800 No. No, I mean she's kicking off at school. 78 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,800 Basically, ever since Malcolm made Nicola put her in the fucking comp, 79 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,400 she's heading for what Mr Neil Diamond I believe would have called 80 00:03:24,439 --> 00:03:27,159 a "Sweet Columbine" incident. 81 00:03:27,199 --> 00:03:29,800 MALCOLM: Oh, I don't give two shits of a lamb's tail. 82 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,680 Eileen will just have to postpone her fucking throat surgery. 83 00:03:32,719 --> 00:03:35,520 I want her steam-cleaned and on The Daily Politics, 84 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:39,719 smiling and nodding at Andrew Neil's sneery, fucking haemorrhoid face 85 00:03:39,759 --> 00:03:41,960 and telling him to lay off the fucking fish suppers 86 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,479 and the poppers, right. Do it. 87 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,680 Okay, ahoy there, DoSAC. Where's Dame Ellen MacArseache? 88 00:03:47,719 --> 00:03:49,039 Uh, she's on a call. 89 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,199 All right, okay. Wakey, wakey, wakey. 90 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,800 -Yes, yes. -Opposition drill, yeah? Come on. 91 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,759 Yes. Tell James he will go up to the school 92 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,400 and if he doesn't, then he will find himself... 93 00:03:57,439 --> 00:03:59,840 -Hurry up! -...sleeping in the spare room 94 00:03:59,879 --> 00:04:01,879 of his fucking sister's house. 95 00:04:01,919 --> 00:04:03,319 Lovely. Thank you. 96 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,439 -Yeah, opposition drill, right? -Yeah. 97 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,520 When the opposition are here, you tell them nothing 98 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,919 except where the toilets are, but you lie about that, right? 99 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,120 And Terri, keep your tits in. 100 00:04:12,159 --> 00:04:13,599 (OLLY LAUGHING) 101 00:04:13,639 --> 00:04:14,840 Yeah, you are looking very air hostess today, 102 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,480 is that all for Mannion? 103 00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:18,360 All I said was that I think he's a very charming man. 104 00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:20,519 Should we be formally dressed for DoSAC? 105 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,920 It does feel a bit like paying our respects to some mad, dying aunt. 106 00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:27,160 No, you look fine. It's all pretty shambolic there at the moment. 107 00:04:27,199 --> 00:04:31,560 Nicola Murray's quite distracted with that whole daughter thing. 108 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,000 Oh, what's that? 109 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,720 -Really interesting... But private. -No. 110 00:04:34,759 --> 00:04:36,199 (MOBILE RINGS) 111 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,879 That's Stewart. I'm just gonna have to show him up. 112 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,480 Great, Mr Blue Sky. 113 00:04:39,519 --> 00:04:41,639 We're not going to practise fist bumps again, are we? 114 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,279 Phil, if you mention anything out of turn while I'm gone, 115 00:04:44,319 --> 00:04:48,040 I will send your Mum that picture of you dressed up as Cher, okay? 116 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,560 One button. 117 00:04:50,519 --> 00:04:52,639 -Cher? -Celine Dion, karaoke night. 118 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,160 It was totally harmless. 119 00:04:55,199 --> 00:04:57,319 Okay, Olly told Emma that there's a shitstorm 120 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,439 brewing about the minister's daughter. 121 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,800 She was only the minister's daughter, but she knew how to take the collection. 122 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,480 She's 12. 123 00:05:03,519 --> 00:05:06,720 Oh... Shit. Strike that last remark, 124 00:05:06,759 --> 00:05:10,279 it's actually a little poem that gets much worse. 125 00:05:10,319 --> 00:05:11,759 Okay, well let's just put a photo of her up, 126 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,199 just so we know what we're steering clear of. 127 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,920 You've got her photograph? No, Phil! 128 00:05:14,959 --> 00:05:17,000 Okay, Nicola Murray's daughter, 129 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,639 actually that's not Nicola Murray's daughter, that's Tracy Beaker, right, 130 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,160 she was down here 131 00:05:20,199 --> 00:05:21,639 on the intake list for an independent girls' school 132 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,800 but now she's going here, local comprehensive. 133 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:26,959 A playground full of first trimester pregnancies and Croydon facelifts. 134 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,120 So what are you saying? It's wrong to send your child to a comprehensive? 135 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,720 Yeah, wrong. Or at least very, very careless. 136 00:05:32,759 --> 00:05:36,879 So, one of the initiatives that we've got is a national register 137 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,800 of really extraordinary ordinary people, 138 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,079 who we're going to call the fourth sector pathfinders. 139 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,600 What I want to try and bring to mind is that amazing JFK speech, you know... 140 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:48,720 (MOBILE RINGS) 141 00:05:48,759 --> 00:05:50,600 -Hey, come on, come on. -Yeah, yeah. 142 00:05:50,639 --> 00:05:52,800 Ask not what your country can do, but what you... 143 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:56,720 What your country can do to help you do to help you help yourself. 144 00:05:56,759 --> 00:06:00,199 (SOFTLY) Nicola, it's Martin Stone, your daughter's headmaster. 145 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,920 -Yes. -James can't come in to... 146 00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:04,519 about the meeting for your daughter's, um, problem... 147 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,360 Yes, okay, thank you. For fuck's sake, Terri! 148 00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:09,480 Mr Stone, hi. 149 00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:12,000 It's the whole deserving and undeserving poor argument again, though, isn't it? 150 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,600 -It's the chavs and chav-nots. -GLENN: Yeah. 151 00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:15,600 Right. Pinky and fucking Perky, 152 00:06:15,639 --> 00:06:18,120 listen, this fourth sector thing, right? It's fucking mad. 153 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,480 She's mad. She's like Tom Cruise's favourite fucking brush, right? 154 00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:23,360 But the great thing about it is, it's free. 155 00:06:23,399 --> 00:06:26,240 So you two, I want you to rub your dicks together 156 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,439 and get some fucking energy going in here. 157 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,639 I don't care whether you inject yourself with stem cells 158 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,800 or put cocaine in your fucking Fruit Corners, 159 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:34,439 just get on with something. 160 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,759 Can I have a word? My husband has bailed on me, 161 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,439 so I'm going to have to get to Ella's school this afternoon. 162 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,040 Look, Nicola, the taxpayer is not bankrolling you 163 00:06:42,079 --> 00:06:43,439 to do this sort of thing, you know? 164 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,199 I mean, if I wanted personal errands done, 165 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,439 I could get fucking the unbaked gingerbread man there 166 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,959 to pop out and get me a fucking cattle gun. 167 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,279 See me after school. 168 00:06:51,319 --> 00:06:54,000 Okay, so... What? 169 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,600 Okay, just you, then, so... 170 00:06:56,639 --> 00:06:59,319 Can you work up this whole fourth sector thing? 171 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:02,800 I can see you hate the idea so you'll be able to find the snags, okay? 172 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,240 Stewart. 173 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,319 Ah, Peter, I'm glad we could hook up. 174 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,839 Just wanted to take a couple of turns with you on the ideas carousel, yeah? 175 00:07:10,879 --> 00:07:14,160 Think of ways we can turn your team into a little cluster of excellence. 176 00:07:14,199 --> 00:07:15,759 Oh, you mean you wanted to have a chat... 177 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,600 Hey, what's this? 178 00:07:17,639 --> 00:07:20,279 Oh, that's just Phil's Klingon horoscope. 179 00:07:20,319 --> 00:07:22,000 It's an implementation matrix. 180 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:24,199 Yeah, well, clearly. Two axes dissecting the midpoint 181 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,800 to create four diametrically opposed quadrants. 182 00:07:26,839 --> 00:07:30,279 I like the plasmic nature of your data modelling. Nice. 183 00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:34,000 A child's photograph. What is that doing up there? 184 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,399 PHIL: There, happy now? 185 00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:37,439 PETER: Now I'm confused. Who is that? 186 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,399 No one, it's a Cylon Centurion. 187 00:07:39,439 --> 00:07:42,800 Phil, help me out here. Look, what are these vectors, Posh and Shit? 188 00:07:42,839 --> 00:07:46,600 They refer to schools. You see, Murray's daughter was down to go here, 189 00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:48,720 some teeny, Sloanie, independent girls' school, 190 00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,079 but she's been moved to here, which is a comprehensive, 191 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,800 bang in the middle of a poor catchment area. 192 00:07:52,839 --> 00:07:56,000 First, she opts out of the state education system, 193 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,439 -which is bad. -PHIL: Yeah. 194 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,399 Then, presumably under pressure from the party machine, she says, 195 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,680 "Actually, sod your life chances, Cylon, darling, 196 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:08,000 "Mummy's going to send you here to save her political career." 197 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,560 Badissimo! 198 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,879 So, how are we going to deploy this? 199 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,079 We're not. 200 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,360 The point of departure is this. 201 00:08:16,399 --> 00:08:20,800 "Knowledge is porridge." 202 00:08:20,839 --> 00:08:25,240 Oh, Jesus, Stewart, that doesn't even fucking rhyme. 203 00:08:25,279 --> 00:08:28,879 Look, let me have a go, all right? Look. 204 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,159 Suppose we're saying that Nicola Murray should have stuck to her guns 205 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,159 and sent her daughter here: Posh. 206 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,039 You see, Stewart? I can do this stuff. 207 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,799 Well, then we look elitist, out of touch with ordinary parents. 208 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:45,960 Or do we say, "No, posh is wrongissimo." 209 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,679 Okay, look, look, look. Hmm? Hmm? Let's pause, yeah? 210 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,679 Let's switch off the SatNav, pull over, electric soft top back on, 211 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,200 switch off the engine. 212 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,799 I'm not getting in the back seat with you, Stewart, 213 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,919 if this where this sinister mind game is going. 214 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,759 Let's imagineer a narrative. 215 00:08:59,799 --> 00:09:02,600 -Oh, goody. -So, let's imagineer the narrative 216 00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:06,600 that Peter here may know something about this but he refuses to tell you. 217 00:09:06,639 --> 00:09:08,879 "It's beneath his dignity", say. 218 00:09:08,919 --> 00:09:12,840 I hate to be a spoil-sport, but can we briefly refocus on our visit to DoSAC? 219 00:09:12,879 --> 00:09:14,799 -STEWART: Yeah. Who are you meeting? -Got a couple of meetings 220 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,600 with two top people, you know, the big, swinging dicks. 221 00:09:17,639 --> 00:09:20,399 Yeah, okay, well, don't forget the tiny, static dicks. 222 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,320 Yeah, we're not allowed to talk to her boyfriend, though. 223 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:26,200 Very funny. What about Terri Coverley? Olly says she's utter shit. 224 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,679 Let's make an appointment for Peter here 225 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,759 to take her out for a nice skinny latte, yeah? 226 00:09:29,799 --> 00:09:32,440 -See if she spills the coffee beans. -Great. 227 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,000 -Thank you. -Hello, Mrs Murray, 228 00:09:34,039 --> 00:09:35,120 -thanks for coming in. -Mr Stone, thank you so much. 229 00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:36,399 Thank you, Christina. 230 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,039 Sorry, is your husband not with you? 231 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,080 -No, I'm sorry. -Okay, well that's disappointing, 232 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,679 'cause I really was hoping to speak to both of you about this. 233 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,799 Yeah, I did actually want to come and see you anyway 234 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,399 -on a separate issue. -Oh! All right. 235 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,200 I wondered if you'd be interested in becoming 236 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,440 one of our first fourth sector pathfinders? 237 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,399 Right. Well, I don't know what that actually means, but... 238 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,039 (LAUGHING) I do look fantastic in a safari suit. 239 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,399 Oh, right. I'm sure you do. 240 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,759 -Let's just put that to one side. -Yes, obviously. 241 00:10:00,799 --> 00:10:04,200 As we know, Ella's, well, let's say "challenging behaviour" 242 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,720 has reached a critical point. 243 00:10:05,759 --> 00:10:07,919 There was an instant yesterday. 244 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:13,080 Ella and some accomplices attacked another Year 7 girl 245 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,679 with a pair of hair straighteners. 246 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,600 Pinned her down, this girl who has quite curly hair, 247 00:10:17,639 --> 00:10:20,039 and Ella set about ironing it. 248 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,559 Oh, my God. 249 00:10:22,799 --> 00:10:24,600 Right. They're here. 250 00:10:25,919 --> 00:10:27,799 Has anyone seen my implementation file? 251 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,039 Is that it over there? 252 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,799 Yeah, thanks, Glenn. 253 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,159 (SIGHS) Is this you, Glenn? 254 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,639 GLENN: No, it's Olly, you know what he's like. 255 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:37,960 (SIGHS) Well, it's puerile. I've had to call bloody IT. 256 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,159 Olly's put some kind of awful screensaver on. 257 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,480 How do you disable it? 258 00:10:42,519 --> 00:10:43,960 It's not funny, Glenn. 259 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,000 I know. I'm not laughing. 260 00:10:46,039 --> 00:10:48,039 Have you met Mr Darcy yet, then? 261 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,240 Has he swung in through the window 262 00:10:50,279 --> 00:10:52,480 in a little top hat and smoking jacket? 263 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:56,600 This feedback is really, really so encouraging. 264 00:10:56,639 --> 00:10:59,159 Having trouble with the old fourth sector ring-around, are you? 265 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,399 No, not really. I just ring people up and say, "Do you think this is shite?" 266 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,399 They say yes, I agree, that's it. Job done. 267 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,000 What have you actually been doing, then? 268 00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:09,759 I've actually been making some Peter Mannion face masks. 269 00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:13,000 (LAUGHING) Excellent! 270 00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:17,559 (SEDUCTIVE VOICE) "Oh, Terri, me beauty, I like the heft of your jib. 271 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,600 "Oh, dear, I'm going all boogie-woogie downstairs." 272 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,240 (MOBILE RINGING) 273 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,480 (AS MANNION) Hello? 274 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,480 Hi, Olly, I've got a bit of news for you. 275 00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:30,320 Right. You're pregnant, are you? 276 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,120 No, I'm not fucking pregnant! 277 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,159 So what's your... What is your news? 278 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,200 It's the Nicola Murray daughter thing, 279 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,840 you know the switching from private to state? 280 00:11:39,879 --> 00:11:41,200 They know about it here. 281 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,399 Thank you, Emma! How? How? 282 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,519 -Phil. -Right, okay, well, you tell Phil, 283 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:47,840 I'm going to take his stupid fucking light saber collection 284 00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:50,679 and shove it slowly through his eye sockets, right? 285 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,080 How has Ella been behaving at home? 286 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,200 Let's say, over the last week or so. 287 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:59,240 Well, not fantastically good, apparently. 288 00:11:59,279 --> 00:12:00,600 Sorry, "apparently"? 289 00:12:00,639 --> 00:12:02,279 Because the fourth sector pathfinder initiative 290 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,240 is taking up very much all of my time. 291 00:12:05,279 --> 00:12:07,240 I haven't seen Ella. 292 00:12:07,279 --> 00:12:09,720 And your husband's been around? 293 00:12:09,759 --> 00:12:12,799 (CHUCKLES) Meet my husband. He's never really there. 294 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,840 Let me put my cards on the table. 295 00:12:14,879 --> 00:12:18,159 This incident with the hair straighteners was so severe, okay, 296 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,960 that I have no option 297 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,519 but to exclude Ella from this school with immediate effect. 298 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:23,600 (MOBILE RINGING) 299 00:12:23,639 --> 00:12:25,759 You'll be taking her home with you. 300 00:12:25,799 --> 00:12:27,279 No, well, I can't do that, you see, I can't have her with me today... 301 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,360 Oh, look, Mrs Murray, please answer that phone. 302 00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:32,399 I'm so sorry, I will be back. 303 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,639 Olly, what is it? This had better be important. 304 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:38,600 Mannion's team know about the school switch. 305 00:12:38,639 --> 00:12:40,440 (SIGHS) 306 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,080 You shouldn't worry because there's no way the press will run with this, 307 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,600 it's a personal thing. 308 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:48,240 Ella's been bullying other kids and, um, 309 00:12:48,279 --> 00:12:50,399 they're threatening to exclude her. 310 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,519 -What? -GLENN: What's going on? 311 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:55,120 OLLY: Hey, at least they're not going to expel her. 312 00:12:55,159 --> 00:12:56,399 No, it's the same fucking thing! 313 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,080 That's what they say to make it sound better. 314 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,200 It's still the same old shit. 315 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,200 No. Oh, right. Oh, right. 316 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,639 (CRYING) This is just so awful and... Oh, Olly, I'm such a crap mom! 317 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:08,759 I'm such a crap mum! 318 00:13:08,799 --> 00:13:10,120 No, no, you're not... 319 00:13:10,159 --> 00:13:12,799 No, you're really good, you're a pathfinder mum. 320 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:13,720 That's what you are. 321 00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:15,200 Yeah, well, 322 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,000 I made my daughter come to this fucking school 323 00:13:18,039 --> 00:13:19,360 away from all her friends 324 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:22,720 and she just turned into a total fucking droog! 325 00:13:22,759 --> 00:13:27,759 Yeah, but... You know... 326 00:13:27,799 --> 00:13:32,399 That's it, is it? Thanks, Olly, good to know you're there for me. 327 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,200 What is this wheelie bin of misery? 328 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,559 Do I gather Ella is bullying? 329 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,360 You have to keep this to yourself. 330 00:13:39,399 --> 00:13:41,840 It's okay. The press can't use it. 331 00:13:41,879 --> 00:13:44,600 This is something that you and I just keep between ourselves. 332 00:13:44,639 --> 00:13:46,120 Okay. 333 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,919 -There's no need to tell Terri. -Okay. Good. Good. 334 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:53,480 Unbelievable! £6.50 booking fee 335 00:13:53,519 --> 00:13:56,399 for every single person I'm taking in my party of 10. 336 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,919 -Sounds serious, Terri. -Any news from Nicola? 337 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,480 -GLENN: No. -Nothing. 338 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,480 We're in. 339 00:14:02,519 --> 00:14:04,320 Philip, you're not in Mission Impossible. 340 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,399 Some guy just made contact. Uh, looks like an Ewok, 341 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:11,000 small patch of white hair on left temple. 342 00:14:11,039 --> 00:14:14,879 Ah, that would be Robert King, civil servant, used to work with BERR. 343 00:14:14,919 --> 00:14:16,440 Olly says he's a bit of a druid. 344 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,120 Who's that bloke staring at us? 345 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,559 -That... That's actually a woman. -Oh, Christ. 346 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,240 I'm not losing my touch, I just haven't got my distance glasses with me. 347 00:14:25,279 --> 00:14:27,759 (CHUCKLING) The old Bangkok exoneration. 348 00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:32,679 Route one excuse for accidentally having a go on a transsexual. 349 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,679 Christ, Phil, she's actually a bit creepy. 350 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,559 Looks as if she's gonna launch herself at us at any second. 351 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,000 Emma, I've got a woman staring at us from a balcony, 352 00:14:40,039 --> 00:14:41,960 sort of dark hair, like in a bob? 353 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,759 She looks like she's in her own world and she's got lost there? 354 00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:46,840 Oh, that's Terri. That'll be Terri Coverley. 355 00:14:46,879 --> 00:14:48,679 That's the shit one, isn't it? Yeah, she's the shit one. 356 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,679 Oh, right. Well, she might be worth a chat-up. 357 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,120 Let's see if she's due a binning when the inevitable occurs. 358 00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:57,240 Everything all right with the pathpeople? 359 00:14:57,279 --> 00:15:02,759 Pathfinders. So, exclusion is massive, isn't it? 360 00:15:02,799 --> 00:15:04,720 Well, I'm very sorry, but the guidelines on this, 361 00:15:04,759 --> 00:15:07,039 guidelines which your government introduced, remember, 362 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,519 with quite a splash of publicity, 363 00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:13,639 are perfectly clear. Zero tolerance on bullying. Zero. 364 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:18,799 It's just the press would have a field day with this, you know? 365 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:24,279 "Government minister who bangs on about protecting the vulnerable 366 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,279 "from the brutalising effects of injustice. 367 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,799 "Ha ha ha, her daughter's a bully 368 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,200 "and ha ha ha, she's a completely shit mum..." 369 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,480 Sorry, I don't swear at home, actually. 370 00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:37,399 You're not a bad mother, I'm sure. 371 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:42,639 Just..maybe not entirely present all the time. 372 00:15:42,679 --> 00:15:44,279 Yeah. 373 00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:47,799 Are you all right, Mrs Murray? 374 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:52,159 Hmm, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just resting my face. 375 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,919 Now, hang on, there's a complete fucking penis in my building 376 00:15:55,960 --> 00:16:00,399 who I need to have a word with. All right, I'll speak to you later. 377 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,919 Oi, oi! James fucking May! 378 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,360 It was you sprayed the private information about the school, wasn't it? 379 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,799 Like Jenson Button shaking up a magnum of piss. 380 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,799 Oh, just listen to yourself! 381 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,799 Okay, at first it was private information between you and your boss. 382 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,000 Then it was private information between you and your girlfriend, 383 00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:18,399 then it was private information between your girlfriend and her colleagues. 384 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,120 -Yeah. -I mean, I can draw you a diagram 385 00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:22,159 if you like, it's like a fucking swine flu pandemic. 386 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,279 I've clearly made an error, which I have to take up with Emma. 387 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,279 -You shouldn't be fucking using it... -Exactly. This is your fault. 388 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,000 -...for political... No, no. -It's not my fault. 389 00:16:28,039 --> 00:16:29,120 You're like the man who fucked the monkey that gave us AIDS, 390 00:16:29,159 --> 00:16:30,200 that's who you are. 391 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,600 I'm like the man who did what? 392 00:16:31,639 --> 00:16:33,759 Who fucked the monkey that gave us AIDS? 393 00:16:33,799 --> 00:16:35,480 I'll tell you something and you'll say, "It wasn't me, it wasn't me." 394 00:16:35,519 --> 00:16:37,399 There's monkey shit on your balls, not mine. 395 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,600 I love it, I love it. It's the pre-match sparring 396 00:16:39,639 --> 00:16:43,120 for the big super gayweight title fight, eh? 397 00:16:43,159 --> 00:16:46,720 Okay, Oliver, wipe away the pre-come. You've got some work to get on with. 398 00:16:46,759 --> 00:16:48,600 -Yeah, Malcolm... -What? 399 00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:51,039 The Nicola thing, I think, is getting a bit worse. 400 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,799 It looks like her daughter's about to be excluded for bullying. 401 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,720 Yeah, I know. Glenn told me that. 402 00:16:55,759 --> 00:16:57,559 What? When did... 403 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,720 Yeah. The thing is, all we've got to do is if we try and keep this info 404 00:16:59,759 --> 00:17:01,879 very, very closely contained, we'll be all right, yeah? 405 00:17:01,919 --> 00:17:03,000 -Okay. -Okay? 406 00:17:03,039 --> 00:17:05,000 -Okay. -On you go. 407 00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:06,440 Okay, Shitehead Revisited, 408 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,200 did you know that Nicola Murray's daughter 409 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,920 is about to be expelled from school for fucking bullying? 410 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,680 -What are you doing? -No. 411 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,920 -Don't worry. Did you not know that? -No. Why would I... 412 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,119 Of course, you wouldn't know that now because the only people 413 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:21,400 who know that right now are Mrs Murray, her daughter, Olly and me, yeah. 414 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:26,200 If this gets into the press, I would know that it came from you. 415 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:27,119 Clever. 416 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,200 (CHUCKLING) 417 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,799 And I would rain down upon you so hard 418 00:17:31,839 --> 00:17:35,359 that you'd have to be reassembled by fucking air crash investigators. 419 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,480 -No... -Do not fucking interrupt me, son, ever. 420 00:17:37,519 --> 00:17:40,039 Now, get this into the noggin, right? 421 00:17:40,079 --> 00:17:47,160 You breathe a word of this to anyone, you mincing fucking cunt, 422 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,599 and I will tear your fucking skin off, 423 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,079 I will wear it to your mother's birthday party 424 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,440 and I will rub your nuts up and down her leg 425 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,000 whilst whistling Bohemian fucking Rhapsody, right? 426 00:17:56,039 --> 00:17:58,000 -Yeah. -Now, 427 00:17:58,039 --> 00:18:01,000 get out of my fucking sight! 428 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,319 Yeah. 429 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:11,839 I've been kind of a target for the press and, uh, I just... 430 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,200 I don't want Ella suffering on my account, really. 431 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,759 Look, it's possible, theoretically possible 432 00:18:17,799 --> 00:18:23,319 I could park the exclusion, temporarily, maybe. 433 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,000 That would... That would just be so great. 434 00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:27,400 But we would need to draw up a pupil behavioural contract. 435 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,359 -You and your husband, together... -Absolutely. 436 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,200 -...and Ella. -Obviously, yeah. 437 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,400 Thank you so much, thank you, Mr Stone. Really, I owe you one. 438 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,720 And I'll talk to you on a separate occasion about the thing. 439 00:18:36,759 --> 00:18:39,359 -Yeah, streetwalkers thing. -Uh, pathfinders thing. 440 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,920 It was a joke. 441 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,519 (LAUGHING) It was good, wasn't it? Very good. 442 00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:44,799 PETER: All right, thanks for your help. 443 00:18:44,839 --> 00:18:46,680 -Where are you going? -Going through a thing with Malcolm 444 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,039 about Nicola's daughter. She's being excluded from school, 445 00:18:49,079 --> 00:18:50,680 but don't tell anyone or I'm dead, okay? 446 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,599 Everyone knows that, it's all over the building. 447 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,319 A senior civil servant told me. 448 00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:57,000 Oh, shit! I'm straight to DVD, I'm the night shift. 449 00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:58,200 Malcolm's gonna kill me. 450 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,119 His bark's worse than his bite. 451 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,519 MALCOLM: Ah, Peter! 452 00:19:01,559 --> 00:19:03,640 Speaking of rabies injections, here he is. 453 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,599 I didn't know you were still alive. How's the old '80s tribute band going? 454 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,920 Still doing the Robert Palmer look-alikey thing, huh? 455 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,279 (CHUCKLING) Malcolm, you're looking well for someone twice your age. 456 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,880 Any news on the aneurysm? 457 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,279 (BOTH LAUGHING) 458 00:19:16,319 --> 00:19:19,720 Funny man, funny, funny man. See you later. 459 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,200 Why don't you find out how their data back-up works, 460 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,039 I've got a meeting with leaky Terri. 461 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,440 Oh, that sounded wrong. 462 00:19:30,519 --> 00:19:32,640 I want to talk about the social networking that the daughter uses. 463 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,200 Is she on Facebook or Bebo, does she Twitter? 464 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,200 Are any of her victims on Facebook or Twitter? 465 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,680 Here on the left, we've got the Guardian. 466 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,079 What's the weather like over the Guardian? 467 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:41,519 How do we counter-massage, yeah? 468 00:19:41,559 --> 00:19:43,400 To be completely honest, Stewart, I'm just curious 469 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,400 as to what the press is going to make of this. That's all... 470 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,200 Yeah. Yeah, of course you are. Which is the entire purpose 471 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,319 of the matrix to begin with. Look. 472 00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:50,960 What I want to do is just, kind of, 473 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,920 graphicise and three-dimensionalise our response. 474 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,279 -Stage one, story leaks, our response. -Uh-huh. 475 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,599 -We move forward to stage two. -Mmm-hmm. 476 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,240 What's our re-response when the press come back to us? 477 00:20:00,279 --> 00:20:02,000 And then, we move forward again to stage three. 478 00:20:02,039 --> 00:20:04,880 What's our response to their response to our response? 479 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,519 We've gotta think multi-dimensional. It's fractal retaliation. 480 00:20:08,559 --> 00:20:11,359 Mmm-hmm. Do you fancy a cup of tea? 481 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,000 -Yeah, you got anything herbal? -Okay, yeah. 482 00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:15,400 Oh, sorry, do you smoke? 483 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,079 -Oh! Are they low-tar? -Mmm-hmm. 484 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:19,359 That's my favourite. 485 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,480 (CHUCKLES) We're a dying breed, eh? 486 00:20:22,519 --> 00:20:23,559 Oh, yes. 487 00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:29,640 We've met before, when you were a Defra as a junior minister. 488 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,559 Oh, sorry, I don't remember. Were you at the department? 489 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:35,000 No, no, no. I was at Sainsbury's. 490 00:20:35,039 --> 00:20:36,920 Press, not on the tills. 491 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:42,079 And I set up the photo shoot for you with the sustainable sea bass. 492 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:43,759 -Uh-huh. -And I remember you made 493 00:20:43,799 --> 00:20:48,319 some kind of quip about, uh, something to do with fishnets. 494 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:50,799 'Cause there was a girl who was wearing stockings, you see. 495 00:20:50,839 --> 00:20:52,400 Well, that certainly dates it. 496 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,000 You wouldn't be able to make that kind of comment now. 497 00:20:55,039 --> 00:20:56,160 (BOTH LAUGHING) 498 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,200 More's the pity. 499 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:03,359 How's Nicola coping? Some trouble with her daughter, bullying or something? 500 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,400 Her daughter being bullied? The poor little thing. 501 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:11,000 I mean, just because she's put on a bit of weight. 502 00:21:11,039 --> 00:21:13,160 (MOBILE RINGING) 503 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,880 Ah, Stewart, what flavour of nut brown piss are you going to pour into my ear? 504 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,720 How's the info pump firing? 505 00:21:18,759 --> 00:21:21,279 Oh, you mean Terri Coverley? She's useless, she knows nothing. 506 00:21:21,319 --> 00:21:23,359 You two would get on. 507 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,000 Well, she may not know the story, Peter, but just about everybody else does. 508 00:21:26,039 --> 00:21:27,640 So, according to the matrix here, 509 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,279 we're looking at an 83 to 90% chance of this story making it. 510 00:21:31,319 --> 00:21:33,000 And if it does, well, someone's gonna use it. 511 00:21:33,039 --> 00:21:35,960 And if someone is, then that someone should be us, yeah? 512 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,559 No way, we're not gonna do this. 513 00:21:37,599 --> 00:21:41,119 Peter, listen to me, no one is more shocked than I am 514 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,200 at the chain of events here, okay? 515 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,000 How about you getting back here so we can have a little debrief? 516 00:21:46,039 --> 00:21:49,160 Fuck that, Stewart! We are not going to use this story. 517 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,839 I'd love to natter, unfortunately I think 518 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:54,200 I've got another call coming through. 519 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,799 Peter? Hello. Did you want another fag? 520 00:21:57,839 --> 00:21:59,440 Can I see Nicola? 521 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,119 TERRI: Well, that's a bit of a protocoly thing, so, um... 522 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,519 It's a personal matter, I'll just... 523 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,599 What the fuck is he doing here? 524 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,720 Have you locked the building so he can't get out? 525 00:22:10,759 --> 00:22:13,680 Could I have a word about your school situation? 526 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,880 It's no big deal, really. It's just that old perennial, isn't it? 527 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,160 Should I send my kids to public school? 528 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,400 I meant about the bullying. 529 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,799 Uh, right. Can you... Come in. Sit down, Peter. 530 00:22:24,839 --> 00:22:26,400 How do you know about that? 531 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,960 Well, everyone here knows, and some of our lot know. 532 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,799 Some of your lot know? 533 00:22:30,839 --> 00:22:33,240 There's quite a lot of pressure on me from above to use it, 534 00:22:33,279 --> 00:22:35,680 but I just wanted you to know that I won't. 535 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,400 Thank you. 536 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,799 Um, I'd like to think I'd do the same for you, I think I would. 537 00:22:41,839 --> 00:22:46,839 Well, it's only DoSAC, sock of shit. 538 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:51,160 Sorry, it's what we call DoSAC over there in the enemy camp. 539 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:56,079 Social Affairs Citizenship, Soc-Af-Cit, sock of shit, no disrespect. 540 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:59,119 You've got time on your hands over on the dark side. 541 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,400 I'll leave you to get on with it. 542 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,440 Thank you for doing the honourable thing. 543 00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:14,039 What? Have you just googled that? Is that... What is that? 544 00:23:14,079 --> 00:23:17,880 Olly did that. Nothing to do with me, I don't want to fellate you. 545 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,119 Well, I know I'm planning big changes around here, 546 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,200 but nothing along those lines. 547 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,200 Get in my office now, and you, Glenn. 548 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,480 Mannion knows about Ella, and I want to know how? 549 00:23:27,519 --> 00:23:29,839 -Who did you tell? -I only told Glenn. 550 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,160 -I only mentioned it to Glenn... -I only told Malcolm. 551 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,319 You told Malcolm what? 552 00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:35,799 Ella has been excluded for... 553 00:23:35,839 --> 00:23:37,279 -Nearly! -Nearly excluded 554 00:23:37,319 --> 00:23:39,279 for bullying other children. 555 00:23:39,319 --> 00:23:40,720 -Oh, she's the bully? -Yes. Yes. 556 00:23:40,759 --> 00:23:43,519 -Oh! Oh, that's nasty. -Well, that's helpful. 557 00:23:43,559 --> 00:23:45,960 Could you keep your fucking opinions to yourself, please? 558 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,480 Well, you can't use it, can you? So who told you? 559 00:23:49,519 --> 00:23:52,599 Coverley, Comms. Sorry, Nicola, just got to take this. 560 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,920 Olly Reeder. 561 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,319 So what you're saying is you do know about it... 562 00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:56,680 TERRI: She's looking a bit upset. 563 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,200 Right, right. But you're not going to use it? 564 00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,759 Oh, well, thanks for telling us. Yeah... 565 00:23:59,799 --> 00:24:01,119 Yes, obviously you can't use it, that's... 566 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,640 Oh, you know about it, do you? 567 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,640 I'm going home. I'm going to see my daughter, 568 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,880 I'm going to give her a big kiss and the bollocking of her life. 569 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:10,160 Nicola, just got a text from Malcolm. He's says he knows Mannion was here. 570 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,160 Text reads, 571 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,319 "I know about your fucking meeting with that ageing flamenco guitarist. 572 00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,200 "You are NOT..." Big letters. "...to go home. 573 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,599 "There's been an escalation." 574 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,440 -Shit. -He says he wants you at Number 10, 575 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,279 ASAFP. 576 00:24:23,319 --> 00:24:26,599 -F meaning... -"Feasibly", I should imagine. 577 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:34,000 Stewart, you're still here? To what do I owe this pain? 578 00:24:34,039 --> 00:24:38,799 It's called politics, Peter. We're trying to do it from your office. 579 00:24:38,839 --> 00:24:42,680 I've told Nicola Murray I'm not capitalising on that story. 580 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,079 I'm speechless! 581 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,319 Do you want to get booted out of the shadow cabinet? 582 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:49,000 You're wanting to spend more time hiding from your wife in the greenhouse? 583 00:24:49,039 --> 00:24:51,000 Yes, if it came to it! 584 00:24:51,039 --> 00:24:53,880 If you have to wade through all this shit to win the election, 585 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,079 then I'm happy to lose it, all right? 586 00:24:56,599 --> 00:24:57,759 Malcolm? 587 00:24:57,799 --> 00:25:00,000 Hi, Nicola, thanks very much for coming over. 588 00:25:00,039 --> 00:25:01,400 Uh, can I get you something? 589 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,400 Actually, you haven't got any whisky, have you? 590 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,640 Whisky? Yeah. Hasn't been touched for a while. 591 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,240 Still got Anthony Eden's lipstick on the bottle. 592 00:25:09,279 --> 00:25:11,279 Hey, do you remember when you started, 593 00:25:11,319 --> 00:25:14,000 I said I didn't have much of a folder on you? 594 00:25:14,039 --> 00:25:15,599 You should see it now. 595 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,200 Looks like a fucking butcher's slab, just as graphic. 596 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,359 Right. So, can we... I need to get home. 597 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,319 You said there'd been an escalation. 598 00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,920 The good news is that even though everybody's got this bullying story, 599 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,319 no one can use it. 600 00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:31,200 Good. But... I'm sensing there is a "but", 601 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,200 probably the size of a fucking house. 602 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,880 The bad news is that they will run with "Headteacher bends the rules 603 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,759 "and gives preferential treatment to cabinet minister." 604 00:25:39,799 --> 00:25:41,400 It's unacceptable. 605 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:46,000 The Board of Governors have no choice, he'll have to resign. 606 00:25:46,039 --> 00:25:47,240 No, no, no. No. 607 00:25:47,279 --> 00:25:49,599 Yeah, I'm afraid it's fuck off, Mr Chips. 608 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,799 No! It should be me who resigns. 609 00:25:51,839 --> 00:25:55,200 You resign now, you'll be up there with the fucking shaggers 610 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,160 and expenses fiddlers 611 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,200 and the guys who asphyxiate themselves having a wank in a Travelodge. 612 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,200 And your daughter, your Ella, 613 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:06,799 she will be publicly and very, very fucking horribly humiliated. 614 00:26:06,839 --> 00:26:09,640 Now, that is not something that helps anybody. 615 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,480 It doesn't... Hey, hey, hey, come on, look. 616 00:26:11,519 --> 00:26:15,200 That is not... Look, it doesn't... 617 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,359 That's not a plan, is it, Stan? 618 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,119 Come on, that's not an agenda, Brenda. Come on. 619 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,839 And I'm staying here to do what, exactly? 620 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:30,599 Because I don't feel like I'm... Sorry. 621 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,079 (SNIFFLES) 622 00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:34,480 I don't feel like I'm really making things better. 623 00:26:34,519 --> 00:26:38,000 Listen, Nicky, this, it's a war, right? 624 00:26:38,039 --> 00:26:39,599 It's a fucking war. 625 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,200 Now, you can't change a thing unless you win the war. 626 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:46,799 And you cannot win the war unless you are prepared to fight. 627 00:26:46,839 --> 00:26:49,200 That's what this all about for you, isn't it? 628 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:53,960 It's just about fighting and fucking power. 629 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:59,000 Does it never occur to you that your poisonous male obsession with conflict, 630 00:26:59,039 --> 00:27:01,559 which is making people despise politics? 631 00:27:01,599 --> 00:27:04,240 And by the way, don't ever fucking call me Nicky! 632 00:27:04,279 --> 00:27:06,960 Spare me your fucking psycho-fanny, right? 633 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,720 What do you think fucking Mannion's doing right now? 634 00:27:09,759 --> 00:27:12,599 Michael Aspel's cooler, fucking younger brother? 635 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,640 I'll tell you what he's doing. 636 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,400 He's sitting around with his pals. You know what they're doing? 637 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,799 They're telling very fucking nasty jokes about your family. 638 00:27:20,839 --> 00:27:24,920 They're playing fucking pin the cock on the fucking donkey's face 639 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:28,319 with your face there, 'cause you're the fucking donkey, right? 640 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,160 So you should just fucking count your blessings! 641 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,799 Ella's not been excluded! 642 00:27:33,839 --> 00:27:35,240 That's what you wanted, right? 643 00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:37,200 -Yes? -Yeah, I really wanted 644 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,720 ...Ella to be able to stay at a shit school, 645 00:27:39,759 --> 00:27:43,039 the only redeeming feature of which was the headmaster, 646 00:27:43,079 --> 00:27:45,880 who thanks to me has now been forced out. 647 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,640 Yeah, well, um... 648 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:49,680 Maybe... 649 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,640 Maybe in a term or so, you know, 650 00:27:54,680 --> 00:28:00,480 we might understand if you very quietly decided to move her. 651 00:28:00,519 --> 00:28:02,519 Really? 652 00:28:02,559 --> 00:28:03,480 Yeah. 653 00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:07,920 Good. Good. Okay, so it's Mannion. 654 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:11,599 What do we do? I mean, do we go after him with one of your, 655 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,400 you know, things that you say, 656 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,240 like a big bum dildo of vengeance or something? 657 00:28:16,279 --> 00:28:18,599 There you go, that's my girl, yeah. 658 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,559 Indiana Murray and the Bum Dildo of Vengeance. 659 00:28:22,599 --> 00:28:23,640 I like it. 660 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:27,519 Hey, do you want his mobile number? 661 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,160 That was Nicola Murray. She says 662 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:35,119 from now on, nothing in my private life is off limits. 663 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,039 Has she got anything she could use? 664 00:28:36,079 --> 00:28:37,640 No, I don't think so. 665 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,480 PHIL: He took a piss against Big Ben on his stag night. 666 00:28:39,519 --> 00:28:40,960 I don't reckon they'll use that. And the lovechild, 667 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,759 -that's been and gone, hasn't it? -Yeah. 668 00:28:42,799 --> 00:28:44,799 We could have had shots of her scuttling into her house, 669 00:28:44,839 --> 00:28:48,200 scurrying out again to make some humiliating public statement, 670 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,839 surrounded by members of her family, all grinning like Alsatians. 671 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,519 Do you remember that, Peter, when the pregnant mistress story broke, eh? 672 00:28:55,559 --> 00:28:57,839 You and Mrs Mannion standing on your doorstep, 673 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,200 her never going to touch little Peter again? 674 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,559 The press talking about Cheater Mannion. 675 00:29:03,599 --> 00:29:05,440 Everyone reading about how you like to make love 676 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,839 to Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds.